Things I like about the holidays: music, illuminations, peppermint bark…
But lately, there’s a part of me that’s starting to not be fond of this time of the year.
As time gets closer to Christmas, people around me are getting ready to go home to spend time with their families. They talk about preparations they have to do for their gathering and how crazy it’s going to be.
As crazy and hectic it may be, I wish I had preparations to get ready for. I wish that I can see my parents. I wish that I don’t have to spend this holiday with an empty hole inside of me.
A few days ago, I heart a heart to heart conversation with my co-worker. She told me that she doesn’t like this time of the year because it reminds her of her mother who passed away when she was 8 years old. People tell her that it was probably easier that she lost her mother when she was that young because she wouldn’t remember as much. But it’s never easy. How could it ever be?
We felt an instant connection when we learned that both our mothers suffered a stroke from a brain aneurysm. The image of my mom in the ICU, being hooked to countless machines & tubes, the unanswered response when I call her name, continues to haunt me every once in a while. But thankfully, my mom made it through. Unfortunately, hers didn’t. She was only 38.
Every day is a struggle for my mom to this day. She has to rely on my dad to take care of her, and she can no longer do the things she used to be able to do. Life isn’t fair at all sometimes. But she is still here. And when I hear things like what happened to my co-worker, it does put things more into perspective. For one, I am grateful that she made it, but I do hope that my mom finds a way to enjoy life again.
The 7568 miles that keeps my parents and me apart can’t be easily broken. But over the years, I realized that as long as you make an effort to keep an emotional distance from building up, your relationship will remain strong.
I love you, Mom and Dad.